Tales from the desk

Back again. My appologies for the silence over the bankholiday weekend. Busy and pissed off, but know I am pleased to announce our return to the programme. I trust your weekend was distracting. (or else there would have been a bulging post bag for yours truely with a thousand missifs demanding the continuation of the Megablog. Been fucking firemen yet? If you know what I mean. (ive lost all capacity for subtlety). Still flat hunting. Wherever I go for a viewing, as I aproach the premise I recieve a call to say it has already been let. THREE TIMES. two to see tomorrow and two more on Fri. Im just gonna take whichever is least shit. I dont give a fuck no more. Unlike Drinkypoo the Midlife Crisis Zebra, who sends his love. As if he knew what that was. Noone loves a drunk. A drunk who lives in a car anyway. I told him as much and as I did, expecting heavy whinnying and tears, the stripes on his jacket simply wilted off. Through the window whatched The Boy Who Eats Alone, wondering why his hero, role model, wank fantasie, whateva, looked so sad. Fucking gimps. Fuck off. for those keeping count, I have 120 days left here. Less with holidays. Ive got two bitches from candy and candy here ALL FUCKING NIGHT. yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety yackeaty yackety yackety yackety prada yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety bulemia yakety yackety yackety yackety stickers yackety yackety yackety yackety for fucking hours on end. ABOUT FUCK ALL! The noise is not only distracting but also soul scraping and so I shall sign off as my head has already left my shoulders in search of a gas oven and has made it impossible to read what I am writing (damn those eyes. Bring back my eyes. Stupid head!) hoping this posting finds you well in Welles.

Well Rubrecht the Monkey Boy arrived. Its realy wiered to think I used to go out with him. Ah well. To make it worse, another previous tennant of Zoidberg Manor also, due to yet another row with her asshole boyfriend, was also there when I got home from work. Lucky old Zoidberg. Both parties brought booze tho so the blow was well cousioned.
The bedsit Zoidberg wants doesnt even exist. A mere ruse to get Zoidbergs custom. Damn. Lookin at another on Tuesday. This better get sorted soon for the sooner its over the sooner we'll be able to have a good old fasioned knees-up. It wont be long, I promise.
Still no news of news of number 2
Wishing you all out there a most pleasant weekend

Came into work today, ONLY A FACKIN ZEBRA OUTSIDE. A pissed one at that. Yes, Drinkypoos the Mid-Life Crisis Zebra came back. Drunks are funny.
Still no news on the Number Two (as she will be called).
Tomorrow off a house hunting. ( insert joke about catching a semi, shooting a bungalow, or similar ) Yours truely has been awfully clever in realising that if he can put up with living in a teeny tiny place then the student shit will cover his ass so he wont need to work and in turn will be able to tell several people in a several places what to stick and where! (May even kick a zebra up the arse, who hasnt always wanted to kick a zebra up the arse?)
And finaly, my thoughts on that apple are not so nearly as interesting as my thoughts on young ladies whos favourite movie genre happens to be films-with-gay-men-in-them. AND it just so happens to be Drinkypoos' favourite genre too. (I so bet thats true!)
Untill tomorrow my lovelys

Another day another life-is-like-waiting-for-a-bus comparison. and it looks like its going to rain. Very soon and very hard. For tomorrow brings the return of Rubrecht the Monkey Boy (google it) to the home of yours truely. WHY? IM MOVING IN LESS THAN 4 WEEKS. A prospect already causing me inadequate amounts of mental discomfort and now this. Its no wonder I drink. *hic*

Fireman? A Fire Man? May I say how delightfuly frustrating it is to be given a tiny taste of a tale that one knows will lead to a four course epic. Any more information on this suprising twist would be most greatfully received, however may I add may main concern is that this "confusion" doesnt cause you too much woe.

The "Tracked and confirmed" of yesterdays post was refering to the fact that I had tracked my UCAS stuff and found to had been offered a place unconditional to which I confirmed. So yes I have both heard from and am going. (and any random eyeballs browsing this will now think Zoidberg is in his late just-off-to-uni- teens is. Yey. Fools!

Love eh? Mighty dangerous stuff. Wouldnt be some scrawny boy who most certainly isn't Daniel Craig. The same scrawny boy that galantly helped a young lady to get some fresh air when feeling h, then that would go part way to explain todays headline.

News on your replacement; still no news.

News on anything else? None. Im fail to see what Ronan Keating meant by using the rollercoaster as a metaphor for life. Its wore like waitin for a bus to somwhere you dont wanna go

Tracked and confirmed today.
I hope my dear subsciber has had a wonderful weekend and has recovered from what I imagine were inevitable highs and lows of saying goodbyes to various random dollar jokeys; random flesh-sacks that they be.
New from the desk, none. I have yet to meet my subscribers repacment. I shall try to be as pleasant as possible however I know, inside, I shall be completlely numb. Now off to adjust the air conditioning on the sixth floor. My life IS that exciting.

And here we are, as promised.
Brand spanking new
And all for you.

I shall be telling no other of this most selective of blogs as it would get somewhat on my tits should thay start their fucking noise about how unfair it is of me to have published such cruel , unfair, and often downright slanderous accusations about them which I feel honourbound to do.

So untill tommorrow my dear viewer

x