Tales from the desk

...stupid for not leaving office a bit sooner. If I was up for a realy cushy retirment (semi or otherwise) I'd be off as soon as bloody possible. Zoning out from the second my notice was handed in, half assed cruising along and using the last of my holidays to avoid any leaving do, (ugh, leaving dos! You never need an excuse to buy me drinks and presents. Really, you dont.)etc etc

Other than thinking up misleading attention grabbing headlines, there is no news.

A HOLIDAY IN JULY. Youve only just walked through the bloody door. I know what the results of the blood test will be. Idleossitive!

Oh... The little page boy/girl welsh whateva has begun to latch on to Fez. He aint to happy. But I think hes getting sickof hanging with the Good Witch of the North (sorry for the lame aliases, im typing against the clock).

Untill tomorrow, Shock Hunters x

...in "friendly fire" has thankfully been avoided thanks to the MOD deeming it too much of a risk to send him out to the front. What? enemy would shoot even more bullets? Deadly war would become more deadly?!? I dont get it but its not down to me is it? Is it? If it is, nobody has told me.

ANYWAY...

Pink huh? you winking yet boys? Pretty huh?
There is sadly no real news from the desk as there is still so little going on that I have had to resort in writing provocative headlines to stir up some traffic.

Anyone out there shagged any firemen yet?

News released last night has revealed the real reason the NHS is the shits. It isnt the way the hospitals are forced to mimic the buisiness models of commerce, nothing to do with the way staff are paid in vials of mrsa virus, the underfunding, the lack of beds, the empty wards, the mixed sex wards or any of the countless other afflictions too numerous to mention. No. It is in truth a stark reality that the nurses are fully trained and "unleashed on the public" at just 10 weeks. Less time than it takes to learn to drive a car. Or to put it another way, spends about a TWENTIETH of the time a schoolchild studies for a GCSE in Cooking. Probably. Not their fault tho is it, and so although we here at deliciouslyevil like to keep our finger on the topical pulse of the world to bring the hottest news From around the globe To your frontal lobe, may we wish all our new student nurses Good Luck over the coming weeks and may life thrust a huge thermometer of success in your sphincters.

And especialy to you
xxx

...I hope it went ok.

...is without doubt Quote of the Week. I shall endevour to use that line as much as possible.
Well dear reader, today is your last day of lie-ins for a considerably long time. All of us here at deliciouslyevil send our sincere best wishes and for extra insurance, crossing our fingers. Which is making typing dificult but fun, try it.
Zoidberg found a flat he has. Small place in streatham. You must pop by next time your in the smoke. Compact? yes. All mine? yes.
A friend has asked if a kiwi friend of theres can stay for a few days. AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH when will it end. I dont know how Elrond put up with it. "Welcome to Rivendell". Yeah, to their faces, then hed slope off to the kitchen and curse himself with yet another jumbo scotch. One more week dear reader.
Poland is tryna get me to send off my cv to Minnie fucking Mouse so I can be number two. Thats how desperate they're getting. A pleasant thought untill I start to think of all the cox etc Id have to be "pleasant" too. Still, what fun it would be eh? Rising at 6am, sorting out other peoples whiney petty little problems, tryna comunicate with Rizzo and Claude (come on, thats a good one), constant blocked toilets and people looking down on you for taking the stairs. Yey that sounds fun, fuck knows why you left. Oh yeah, and having fuckin zebras stare at you and get fondled by pharos. No thankyou. Im perfectly unhappy as I am thankyou very much.
Good Luck tommorrow. Dont forget your dinner money, take some pens and a ruler. and some tissues in case it's sad. Send my love to Brighton, tell her I shall be back soon.

Back again. My appologies for the silence over the bankholiday weekend. Busy and pissed off, but know I am pleased to announce our return to the programme. I trust your weekend was distracting. (or else there would have been a bulging post bag for yours truely with a thousand missifs demanding the continuation of the Megablog. Been fucking firemen yet? If you know what I mean. (ive lost all capacity for subtlety). Still flat hunting. Wherever I go for a viewing, as I aproach the premise I recieve a call to say it has already been let. THREE TIMES. two to see tomorrow and two more on Fri. Im just gonna take whichever is least shit. I dont give a fuck no more. Unlike Drinkypoo the Midlife Crisis Zebra, who sends his love. As if he knew what that was. Noone loves a drunk. A drunk who lives in a car anyway. I told him as much and as I did, expecting heavy whinnying and tears, the stripes on his jacket simply wilted off. Through the window whatched The Boy Who Eats Alone, wondering why his hero, role model, wank fantasie, whateva, looked so sad. Fucking gimps. Fuck off. for those keeping count, I have 120 days left here. Less with holidays. Ive got two bitches from candy and candy here ALL FUCKING NIGHT. yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety yackeaty yackety yackety yackety prada yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety yackety bulemia yakety yackety yackety yackety stickers yackety yackety yackety yackety for fucking hours on end. ABOUT FUCK ALL! The noise is not only distracting but also soul scraping and so I shall sign off as my head has already left my shoulders in search of a gas oven and has made it impossible to read what I am writing (damn those eyes. Bring back my eyes. Stupid head!) hoping this posting finds you well in Welles.

Well Rubrecht the Monkey Boy arrived. Its realy wiered to think I used to go out with him. Ah well. To make it worse, another previous tennant of Zoidberg Manor also, due to yet another row with her asshole boyfriend, was also there when I got home from work. Lucky old Zoidberg. Both parties brought booze tho so the blow was well cousioned.
The bedsit Zoidberg wants doesnt even exist. A mere ruse to get Zoidbergs custom. Damn. Lookin at another on Tuesday. This better get sorted soon for the sooner its over the sooner we'll be able to have a good old fasioned knees-up. It wont be long, I promise.
Still no news of news of number 2
Wishing you all out there a most pleasant weekend

Came into work today, ONLY A FACKIN ZEBRA OUTSIDE. A pissed one at that. Yes, Drinkypoos the Mid-Life Crisis Zebra came back. Drunks are funny.
Still no news on the Number Two (as she will be called).
Tomorrow off a house hunting. ( insert joke about catching a semi, shooting a bungalow, or similar ) Yours truely has been awfully clever in realising that if he can put up with living in a teeny tiny place then the student shit will cover his ass so he wont need to work and in turn will be able to tell several people in a several places what to stick and where! (May even kick a zebra up the arse, who hasnt always wanted to kick a zebra up the arse?)
And finaly, my thoughts on that apple are not so nearly as interesting as my thoughts on young ladies whos favourite movie genre happens to be films-with-gay-men-in-them. AND it just so happens to be Drinkypoos' favourite genre too. (I so bet thats true!)
Untill tomorrow my lovelys

Another day another life-is-like-waiting-for-a-bus comparison. and it looks like its going to rain. Very soon and very hard. For tomorrow brings the return of Rubrecht the Monkey Boy (google it) to the home of yours truely. WHY? IM MOVING IN LESS THAN 4 WEEKS. A prospect already causing me inadequate amounts of mental discomfort and now this. Its no wonder I drink. *hic*

Fireman? A Fire Man? May I say how delightfuly frustrating it is to be given a tiny taste of a tale that one knows will lead to a four course epic. Any more information on this suprising twist would be most greatfully received, however may I add may main concern is that this "confusion" doesnt cause you too much woe.

The "Tracked and confirmed" of yesterdays post was refering to the fact that I had tracked my UCAS stuff and found to had been offered a place unconditional to which I confirmed. So yes I have both heard from and am going. (and any random eyeballs browsing this will now think Zoidberg is in his late just-off-to-uni- teens is. Yey. Fools!

Love eh? Mighty dangerous stuff. Wouldnt be some scrawny boy who most certainly isn't Daniel Craig. The same scrawny boy that galantly helped a young lady to get some fresh air when feeling h, then that would go part way to explain todays headline.

News on your replacement; still no news.

News on anything else? None. Im fail to see what Ronan Keating meant by using the rollercoaster as a metaphor for life. Its wore like waitin for a bus to somwhere you dont wanna go